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27 Jun 2018

Happy Birthday to this lil guy

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I rarely post pictures of my son or details of his life as I am not sure we are yet aware of the effects and impact SOcial media and distributing our life experiences may and I believe is already having on our lives and the lives of our children (Jay may decide to become prime minister one day and I would of course be giving advice secretly LOL) and also precious and more true moments are missed the more we stare at these screens. That being said, with My lil guys consent I say all this 👇🏽

It is not a surprise that this lil human (physically tall) was born on the Summer Solstice and International Indigenous People’s Day. Today I celebrate this boy turning 13 years old but more importantly the human being that he is.

I am continuously amazed by his emotional intelligence, kindness, and desire to want to be more than what boys are “told they should be” in this world. He completely defies the stereotypical gender role of being “a boy” and has cultivated a certain balance that I wish every child who grows into a man could experience within. It’s not just Freedom but a committment where one decides that
speaking out againist abuse, collaborating with female classmates, co-workers and life partners to end the cycle of violence, inequality, sexism,misogyny and fear is a way of life and a priority. That you are the same person when no one is looking.

Almost 14 years ago I chose my own freedom even though I was judged and rejected by family and the man who helped conceive the child-(never saw him again)
seen as a failure, a stereotype and one who was less than. I lost many friends and was judged by a lot of family, I was left with the financial and emotional responsbility to become a teacher, a guider, a parent to a human life on my own.

AND let me tell you, it was the best decision of my life. From the pregnancy, to the the actual day he was born, my heart was full and it was the first time that I chose Freedom despite all the naysayers and haters.

He was a symbol of my defiance against the patriarchy because oddly enough the people who were most terrified and ashamed of my decision were men, men who saw my body and agency as part of their identity and story.
I changed my last name to one that felt appropriate for my son and I- not because of marriage or to appease anyone and received confusion and anger from loved ones.

I made decisions that were not conventional the whole way through and finally chose a life that interrupted the cycle of emotional, physical, financial and spiritual suffering. It meant reconciling religion and moving out of ideology and anything that consciously or unconsciously spoke against equality, human rights and love, it meant having only friendships and people around me who elevated me, it meant choosing a career that was 17 hour days most times but on my own terms and with my passion and creative juice intertwined into every aspect, it meant letting go of family members that did not serve our highest good , letting go of pattens of abuse, manipulation, games, patterns of financial suffering, emotional suffering and most recently away from a marriage and long term relationship that at the root of it was a reflection of my past experiences of sexual assault and trauma.

Today, I look at my son and can take a long exhale and say “We did it.” We are such a resilient and grounded family today. What I know for sure is THIS, the greatest gift you can give your child is “TO GROW YOURSELF, To HEAL and to actualize your FUllest potential.” In This way, your very presence becomes an example of the possibility of healing, growth and full human potential for their lives.

And the quote I love to mention every year is this: Jay says at the age of 4, “Mommy, thank you for choosing to be my mom.” And I say, “I would choose you again and again.”

Happy 13th birth day to the most wonderful little human being I know.

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